Fading Memory
by aBeautifulLiar
Summary: That girl who signed her name with a star, the girl who would choose Broadway over life, that beautiful, confident, loud girl was just a fading memory. Finn/Rachel.


**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my own mind. **

**Fading Memory**

It's only been a few months since you last saw her, just a few months during the summer. You remember her, of course you do, you've seen her around but always a glance, never enough. And now it's back to school, and it's the first time you've been able to take a good, long look at her, and you just find yourself wondering where that girl you fell in love with has gone.

You watch her as she walks into school with her head down, expecting to see that long, brown hair, the wide grin and those beautiful eyes. But instead, there she is; her hair black, the smile... gone and those beautiful eyes that once sparkled so bright... dull. And you find yourself wondering what ever happened to that happy girl you met so long ago.

_She grew up. _It's an obvious reason, and you try to convince yourself it's the only one possible. Nothing bad could have ever happened to her, nothing at all... you can't even imagine anyone wanting to hurt her, it's impossible.

_Something happened. _The thought crosses your mind, but only for a second as you try to tell yourself that she could never get hurt. Not your Rachel.

You watch her carefully, she doesn't even speak to you; in fact, she avoids you as much as she possibly can. You watch from a distance, ready to be there for her when she finally asks because you know what she's like, you don't want to push her away. You watch as she picks at the food on her plate, the look of disgust when she first walks into the cafeteria. Sometimes, she doesn't turn up at all.

You're there in the morning – you only live a few blocks away – and you see her run past your house at five. And you're there in the nights when she does exactly the same. You can feel your heart breaking more and more every single day as you continue watching her, you want to help her but... you can't.

**Selfish;** you remind yourself every day, trying to gather the courage to go up to her, hold her close, whispering words of comfort in her ears. But you can't, because as much as you long to, you're supposed to be keeping your distance, waiting for her to be ready.

So, you never speak. You watch her in Glee club, but she refuses to make any eye contact, and you just keep trying to keep the Glee connection you have. You continue to watch her push away Kurt, and soon she has _nobody._ You find yourself wondering why she bothers with Glee anymore, but then you hear her sing and it shows you that there is only one thing about that girl that hasn't changed – nobody can take her voice from her.

**Selfless; **you hate yourself, you hate yourself so much, you just keep repeating those words in your head as you sit and stare down at the floor. Tears fall down your face, and you put your head in your hands and take a deep breath, trying to calm yourself down but nothing seems to work. You remember the moment too well, the moment you stopped pretending that everything was alright.

You had been watching her, as always, you'd heard the rumours about what was wrong with her; it was time to admit it to yourself. You were going to tell her, watching her practise for Sectionals. It was only a day away.

And then it happened – her face went impossibly paler, a small cry for help escaped her slightly blue lips and she fell. And you got there just in time to catch her, holding her shaking body in your arms. You scream for help, watching the other Glee kids panic as they gather around.

And then you're here, in the hospital, waiting for news and hating yourself for not speaking up soon enough, for not saying something to her. Leaning back, you start to wonder as you stare at her dad's – did they know? Did they keep it to themselves, too?

She turns away from you when you walk into the room, quickly walking to her bed and putting your hand in hers. You see the small blush rising on her cheeks, as she apologizes to you. Your head shakes, kissing her forehead lightly before laying down next to her and holding the tiny girl as close as you possibly can.

Whispers of comfort clear the air, as you tell her you love her, you always have. You watch the tears falling down her face, the way she bites her lip nervously as she watches you with such intensity as you speak.

Your hands run up her _bony _back, watching her finally fall asleep. Your own eyes starting to shut and you wonder if you will dream about the way she used to be. Before she was _depressed, _before the _anorexia _took over... before she **changed. **

But then it hits you... that Rachel, the one that signed a star after her name, the one who wanted to be on Broadway more than she wanted anything else.. that beautiful, confident, cocky girl was just a memory, a memory that's fading more and more as each day passes and you have no idea how to get her back.


End file.
